I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river I’ve been running ev’r since
It’s been a long time, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will
I like the song. Possibly the name more than the lyrics. A change is gonna come. I am not at crossroads, but I do feel a change needs to come. A change in my life, a change in how I work, a change in how I do things, maybe a change in how I write and what I write about.
When I started this blog, I wanted to curate my journey as a mother. When I got married I wanted to curate that, marriage. But it did not take me long to realise that marriage was too complex for me to write about often. No, actually, I realised that all marriages are different. Because the individuals in the marriage are different. Yes, I read some marriage blogs, but I also soon realised that they were not necessarily sharing the realities of their marriage. I did not want to follow them after that and I stopped, I started living my life and marriage my way. (I am not trying to judge marriage bloggers by the way).
So, I thought, why not write about my journey as a mother, share my experiences and any tips and anything else that has helped me that might help someone else. And I did, for a while. But I struggled with consistency. Possibly because I was doing so many things at the same time. I started writing on another blog (karabojhamba.co.za) and then felt I should move the devotions to another blog (Currently under ‘reconstruction’)! That I think too a lot of my time and energy (I guess I was disorganised). Of course I then figured I needed ‘tools’ and systems to get me organised and to write daily. And I lost focus and spent time looking for tools and systems and was spending so much time looking for things to write about that I ended up not writing anything… for a long time. Which killed me inside, because I love writing. Oh, and the not getting real feedback also kinda got to me. I wanted to grow my blogs but struggled with that. And I thought I was failing.
And I was failing. I had failed. And I spent a lot of time wondering and thinking about why I had failed. And wondering how to get myself and my blogs out there again. I did not stop writing, no. But because I had so many ‘tools’, my writing was never in one place. And it was never in a place that made it easy to put on my blogs. I would have to email my notes and then copy from email to the blog post… Too much work really. So I would write and not share. But something clicked in me. I don’t know when or what or why. But I realised that I had lost myself in the ‘glamourous’ world of social media. I wanted to be a ‘popular’ blogger (wouldn’t you?) I guess I was not ready or willing to put in the hard work that the other bloggers are putting in, but truth be told, it felt like I was trying to be someone else. I was trying to model after some other blogs and while there is nothing wrong with that, I got lost in all that and forgot myself. Which is why I struggled to put anything up for a while. I was not consistent.

Way forward

So… I am now going to try something new… being myself. The writing style will change. 🙂 The pictures might be fewer and possibly less glamourous, but it will be all me.

You Might Also Like

Leave a Reply